24-11-2025, 08:53 AM
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Relationship potential. The 4 New Stages of Dating. Have our love lives been immune to societal and technological changes?
Click here for dating rules and the modern dating scene
Share on Bluesky. THE BASICS. Why Relationships Matter Take our Can You Spot Red Flags In A Relationship? Find a therapist to strengthen relationships. Source: Getty Images / Unsplash. Despite sweeping societal shifts over the last few decades, has dating itself evolved all that much? This is the question researcher Brian Ogolsky and his team set out to explore in a January 2025 study published in Personal Relationships . Ogolsky and his team examined college students’ love lives, a decade apart: 126 students in 2012, and 133 students in 2022. Their survey asked a single open-ended question: “Describe, in order, what you believe are the phases of a typical romantic relationship.” What emerged were four distinct stages that define how modern romantic relationships tend to unfold. And, surprisingly, they’re not as different from the past as you might think. 1. Flirtationship" In both 2012 and 2022, the pattern remained consistent. The first stage, unanimously, was what Ogolsky and his co-authors called a “flirtationship.” As one participant described it, “One of you has expressed blatant or intended interest. You know you like each other, and this is where it ends if one doesn’t reciprocate flirtation.” Despite the countless ways technology has changed how we meet and interact, the essence of this first stage hasn’t budged. This is likely because the need to assess compatibility is foundational to how we form relationships of any kind. Before we attach, we observe. We pay attention to the small cues, and send out a few of our own. This process isn’t new, and no swipe-based interface or algorithm can bypass it entirely. While apps and digital communication have certainly created new avenues for flirtation, they haven’t eliminated the uncertainty or vulnerability that comes with it. In fact, participants in both 2012 and 2022 noted that the flirtationship phase often unfolds online. You might chat for days, exchange memes, build anticipation — but you will still need to consider whether the attraction is mutual, or whether it’ll even translate offline. Even with more tools at our disposal, it’s human nature to test out whether it’s something worth pursuing. The packaging may have changed, but the psychology hasn’t. 2. Relationship Potential. The researchers labeled the second stage of romantic progression as “relationship potential.” As the name suggests, the participants defined this as a stage of exploration — particularly in terms of romantic compatibility. As one participant described, “Things get a bit more serious, you want to get a bit more romantic and go out on dates. This could be one to two dates every few weeks with a few lunch dates in between.” This is where we move from “I think I like you” to “I want to understand who you are.” There’s still ambiguity — the potential for things to fizzle — but with the addition of effort. You go on dates, talk more deeply and start mentally placing the person in the context of your own life. What’s notable is that, even in an era where casual encounters and instant gratification are more accessible than ever, people still crave this slow, evaluative period. The effort to get to know each other hasn’t been automated, and it’s not something you can outsource to a well-written bio or curated photo grid. Digital platforms might facilitate contact, but they can’t (and shouldn’t) replace the experience of actively building comfort and trust. We may be quicker to connect today, but we’re still cautious when it comes to investing emotionally. The deliberateness of this stage speaks to the enduring human need to “figure it out,” so to speak. THE BASICS. Why Relationships Matter Take our Can You Spot Red Flags In A Relationship? Find a therapist to strengthen relationships. 3. In a Relationship. The third stage of romantic progression, both a decade ago and today, is defined by exclusivity. This “in a relationship” stage, as described by the students, encompasses a sense of being official. One participant explained that this is the phase where two people begin “Labeling one’s relationship status as ‘in a relationship’ with a partner.” Another participant noted that, at this stage, “Flirting or hooking up with someone else would be cheating.” Beyond the official label itself, the participants also associated this stage with larger romantic milestones — such as exchanging “I love yous,” meeting each others’ friends and family, as well as becoming both emotionally and physically intimate. Even as social norms around relationships have grown more flexible, this stage has remained consistent. Polyamory, casual dating and relationship anarchy are more visible and more widely discussed than they were a decade ago. Yet, the majority of participants still pointed to exclusivity as a defining marker. Relationships Essential Reads. It’s clear that, while the options have expanded, most people still value a clear, unambiguous declaration of commitment — likely due the stability that this stage offers. This isn’t necessarily because it marks the end of romantic exploration, but more so because it introduces a sense of structure and expectation. This is the very clarity that guides us through everything else to come. 4. Commitment… or Bust. Participants associated the fourth and final phase with decision-making. Namely, the choice between large declarations of commitment — like moving in together, getting engaged or getting married — or ultimately terminating the relationship. “No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws,” explained one participant.
Dating rules and the modern dating scene
Article:
Relationship potential. The 4 New Stages of Dating. Have our love lives been immune to societal and technological changes?
Click here for dating rules and the modern dating scene
Share on Bluesky. THE BASICS. Why Relationships Matter Take our Can You Spot Red Flags In A Relationship? Find a therapist to strengthen relationships. Source: Getty Images / Unsplash. Despite sweeping societal shifts over the last few decades, has dating itself evolved all that much? This is the question researcher Brian Ogolsky and his team set out to explore in a January 2025 study published in Personal Relationships . Ogolsky and his team examined college students’ love lives, a decade apart: 126 students in 2012, and 133 students in 2022. Their survey asked a single open-ended question: “Describe, in order, what you believe are the phases of a typical romantic relationship.” What emerged were four distinct stages that define how modern romantic relationships tend to unfold. And, surprisingly, they’re not as different from the past as you might think. 1. Flirtationship" In both 2012 and 2022, the pattern remained consistent. The first stage, unanimously, was what Ogolsky and his co-authors called a “flirtationship.” As one participant described it, “One of you has expressed blatant or intended interest. You know you like each other, and this is where it ends if one doesn’t reciprocate flirtation.” Despite the countless ways technology has changed how we meet and interact, the essence of this first stage hasn’t budged. This is likely because the need to assess compatibility is foundational to how we form relationships of any kind. Before we attach, we observe. We pay attention to the small cues, and send out a few of our own. This process isn’t new, and no swipe-based interface or algorithm can bypass it entirely. While apps and digital communication have certainly created new avenues for flirtation, they haven’t eliminated the uncertainty or vulnerability that comes with it. In fact, participants in both 2012 and 2022 noted that the flirtationship phase often unfolds online. You might chat for days, exchange memes, build anticipation — but you will still need to consider whether the attraction is mutual, or whether it’ll even translate offline. Even with more tools at our disposal, it’s human nature to test out whether it’s something worth pursuing. The packaging may have changed, but the psychology hasn’t. 2. Relationship Potential. The researchers labeled the second stage of romantic progression as “relationship potential.” As the name suggests, the participants defined this as a stage of exploration — particularly in terms of romantic compatibility. As one participant described, “Things get a bit more serious, you want to get a bit more romantic and go out on dates. This could be one to two dates every few weeks with a few lunch dates in between.” This is where we move from “I think I like you” to “I want to understand who you are.” There’s still ambiguity — the potential for things to fizzle — but with the addition of effort. You go on dates, talk more deeply and start mentally placing the person in the context of your own life. What’s notable is that, even in an era where casual encounters and instant gratification are more accessible than ever, people still crave this slow, evaluative period. The effort to get to know each other hasn’t been automated, and it’s not something you can outsource to a well-written bio or curated photo grid. Digital platforms might facilitate contact, but they can’t (and shouldn’t) replace the experience of actively building comfort and trust. We may be quicker to connect today, but we’re still cautious when it comes to investing emotionally. The deliberateness of this stage speaks to the enduring human need to “figure it out,” so to speak. THE BASICS. Why Relationships Matter Take our Can You Spot Red Flags In A Relationship? Find a therapist to strengthen relationships. 3. In a Relationship. The third stage of romantic progression, both a decade ago and today, is defined by exclusivity. This “in a relationship” stage, as described by the students, encompasses a sense of being official. One participant explained that this is the phase where two people begin “Labeling one’s relationship status as ‘in a relationship’ with a partner.” Another participant noted that, at this stage, “Flirting or hooking up with someone else would be cheating.” Beyond the official label itself, the participants also associated this stage with larger romantic milestones — such as exchanging “I love yous,” meeting each others’ friends and family, as well as becoming both emotionally and physically intimate. Even as social norms around relationships have grown more flexible, this stage has remained consistent. Polyamory, casual dating and relationship anarchy are more visible and more widely discussed than they were a decade ago. Yet, the majority of participants still pointed to exclusivity as a defining marker. Relationships Essential Reads. It’s clear that, while the options have expanded, most people still value a clear, unambiguous declaration of commitment — likely due the stability that this stage offers. This isn’t necessarily because it marks the end of romantic exploration, but more so because it introduces a sense of structure and expectation. This is the very clarity that guides us through everything else to come. 4. Commitment… or Bust. Participants associated the fourth and final phase with decision-making. Namely, the choice between large declarations of commitment — like moving in together, getting engaged or getting married — or ultimately terminating the relationship. “No one is perfect. Everyone has flaws,” explained one participant.
Dating rules and the modern dating scene